20 feelings that make me happy I’m alive

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So I guess you could jokingly say this is one of my lazier posts since it’ll basically be a list however I’ve had it in the back of my mind for a while as I really love trying to cheer people and myself up some days, and on really, really crappy days I can forgot about some of these lovely feelings and scenarios that make me feel alive and grateful to be where I am in that moment. If you have any you’d love to add on, do comment on my blog post or share on Twitter!

  1. Waking up naturally on a Sunny day and seeing the bright blue sky through your windows.
  2. When you’re baking or helping someone bake and you get to eat the excess icing or mix.
  3. Finding the perfect song or playlist to listen to on a long train/bus ride. Here’s one of mine!
  4. Watching ASMR or Bob Ross and the relaxing, calm feeling you get. The sound the paintbrushes make on the palette when Bob Ross is mixing paint really makes me relaxed, is that weird?
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  5. Going to the cinema and seeing a trailer for a film you’re insanely excited for. (Lately the Suicide Squad trailer with Bohemian Rhapsody always gets me pumped up!)
  6. When you’re walking somewhere and a kind-looking stranger smiles at you when you make eye contact.
  7. When you’re walking somewhere and somebody’s dog tries to come and sniff you as they walk past. I want to be your friend too, small pupper.
  8. Seeing little bumblebees chill happily in a bed of pretty flowers.
  9. When a family member, friend or such shows you something and says ‘this reminded me of you.’
  10. Seeing a cute photo of a corgi butt on Instagram. Believe me.https://www.instagram.com/p/BFsJss9jVI_/?taken-by=corgibutt_official
  11. Getting a massive hug of someone you love when you’re crying.
  12. The first gulp of a really cold drink when you’re dehydrated.
  13. Seeing a family of ducks in a river. Especially if there is a parent/adult duck and tiny ducklings.
  14. Getting a 99 whippy ice cream on a summer’s day. They’re my guilty pleasure – especially with all the sprinkles, flake and raspberry syrup.
  15. Finally getting an essay/homework piece done and knowing you can relax.
  16. Walking/cycling when it’s sunset and you get to see all the beautiful colours the sky can make.
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  17. When someone tells you randomly that you’ve made their day or you’ve been really helpful. Whenever I get a customer who says something like this to me when I’ve been working, my faith in humanity returns.
  18. Getting complimented randomly when out drinking. Especially going in the female toilets, you’ll get the occasional drunk girl saying they love your shoes or something and it’s the best feeling.
  19. Getting cosy in bed after a long day.
  20. When someone you care about says they’re proud of you. Even if it’s for something small like just passing an exam or even getting a high score on a video game. It makes me smile.

What things would you guys add?

Thanks for reading,

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When you want to change your personality

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Mental wise, I’m honestly probably not quite stable or healthy. As mentioned in other posts before I do have depression and anxiety and although I do not like to dwell on them or get too open with them on my blog, this post is slightly sinking onto that topic and mostly personal to me and looking for advice on my feelings and thoughts.

Everybody I know has unique and interesting personalities, I feel all of my friends and loved ones have twinkles of loveliness in each of them that’s unique to them. On and off for a couple of years I’ve never really been happy with my personality and I think it has a lot of traits in it that I wish I could improve on or get rid of. Therefore, I’m writing this to try and make myself aware of my clingy flaws so I can work on them and change that part of my personality into a trait that’s more healthy and helps me be more secure and safe with myself.

I’ve always struggled with friendships and relationships since starting high school and I know a lot of other young people struggle with stuff like this but sometimes when I’m in my own head I feel terribly alone on it. Everyone seems set in stone with childhood friends or friendship groups or regular outings with friends, however I feel alone. Like if there was a tree where all the connecting branches were friendship groups, I’d be a single branch that’s broken off the tree somewhere along the way. But because of social media and having friends who have their own seperate groups, I’ve still got to watch from afar and I can never reattach myself into it because, hey, nature doesn’t work that way. You can’t tape a dead branch to a growing tree and expect it to bloom and grow again. Am I making sense? Probably not.

When I get the hope up that I’m going to finally be included in outings or groups I do get extremely clingy and I am honestly embarassed by myself. It’s like an out of body experience where I’m watching me double text all my friends and try and call them and plan stuff, and I watch her get ignored or rejected and I feel like I can’t do anything to initiate the self-control to stop her from bugging people more. It seems like natural human knowledge if someone doesn’t seem interested to leave them alone but I feel like along the way my brain’s gotten foggy in this area. Sometimes people will be like ‘I rarely message first out of feeling clingy so please message me first’ so that’s why I seem to have no shame in bugging people cause I feel like unless I put some effort in; nobody will ever message me. I wish my anxiety and shame would pop up in these situations to help me calm down and get on with something else. But instead it pops up in the worse times – thanks mental illness!

So I think regarding this flaw that I pump all my self-hatred into, I’m going to try and attempt the ‘Quid Pro Quo’ phrase or ‘This for that’. I’m not gonna do a 180 and be like ‘I won’t message people first if they need me, they’ll message me’, because I already know deep down that means I’ll feel more alone. If I need someone or want to hang or talk I’ll message them, but after that message I will refrain from sending anything else(unless it’s necessary/an emergency) until I get something back. I will also try to stop initiating conversations whilst I’m at work or before bed; when I also go off to York for University, I will try my hardest to put my studies as main priority. At home it’s a bit harder because I’m always dwelling on what social media shows me so I never act productive unless something else makes me feel involved in the world. It’s like my room is a little bubble of disassociation, unless I’m talking to another human being via online or in person; I feel alone and that time is stood still so I normally just laze around. I honestly regret it every evening or even days that I do that. I want to be productive, I know I need something to keep my mind occupied to help my mental health yet it’s been so hard lately. I feel like I need to finally accept the period of my life of friendship stuff or making friends is over or at least on hiatus until University. I need to put my heart and time into other things such as my family, my love life, my work, my health and hobbies instead of repeatively scratching open the wound that is, my whole teenage life and the world convincing me if I am not constantly with friends or have stuff to do on a weekend etc., I am lonely and not worth people’s time.

I’m sorry if this post is depressing or even dark. It is a very personal post and will probably not be shared much via social media. Has anyone else ever gone through this kind of phase or hardship? Has anyone got any advice for putting your time into other things after a long period of unstable mental health? Or even just easier advice for being more productive?

Thanks for reading!

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Bad Habits

Let’s consider this an open post apologising for a lot of my bad habits. In fact one of my current bad habits is the reason why I haven’t made a blog post in a while – procrastinating! I have been putting off and putting off writing a post for a couple of days because lately I get very worried that my posts won’t live up to the standard I want or they won’t be good enough so I shouldn’t write them yet. A slight case of perfectionist, is what you could call it.

But I hope to try and stop that pattern of leaving, what feels like, a massive gap between each post I make and write a lot more. I recently got nominated by another lovely blogger for a Liebster Award so I will definitely do my post on that later on and I hope to get a lot more posts under my belt in the next few days. I really appreciate what people tell me about my blog and posts so if anyone has any particular posts they enjoy and would like to see more of, please tell me in the comments! I do enjoy sharing my cruelty-free/eco-friendly reviews and such but I can understand if people enjoy other things. I did try poetry posts once and if people enjoy them, I’d love the feedback!

Forgetting to respond to emails and messages is also a massive stupid habit of mine. I never really like to ignore people on purpose, unless they make me uncomfortable or are rude to me. So chances are if I have not responded to you – it’s never something you’ve done! It’s me being featherbrained and forgetting to respond. Chances are I’ll remember at 2am in the morning and be like “I will respond first thing tomorrow!!”, then the next day comes and it will be lost in the sea in my head of thoughts and tasks I need to do. Alas, a public apology to any friends or acquaintances who might be still wondering where my reply is! I promise to get back to you as soon as possible and I always welcome a second message telling me to get my ass in gear!

But yes, March is kicking off and I am excited and hopeful to get a lot more done and be more productive in March. If anybody has any tips on being more productive or any posts they’d love to see me try in March, please comment!

 

Thanks for reading!

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Small ideas to kick start productivity when you suffer from depression

This could be similar for people suffering with depression or people who have quite normal brain chemistry alike but a lot of days you just don’t have the energy to do anything. To me it makes me feel like my body is ill but there’s no symptoms I just feel drowsy and ready to nod off and you want to avoid everything. Sometimes on worst days, literally everything. Grossly enough, you might even avoid showering and feel content to just staying in pyjamas for a couple of days on end, making excuses not to see friends because you just don’t feel it’ll do you any good. You feel like your body is not up to it for some reason.

Anybody else feel this? It’s a bit of a pants feeling, but I promise you, some very small steps can help you boost your motivation and get you back on track.

  1. Wash your face – This is such a small step I know, but it will refresh you. There’s a good reason why it’s one of the first things you do to wake yourself up in the day. Doesn’t matter if it’s mid afternoon, evening or 2am, go cleanse your face with some water and exfoliate and then splash cool water on it. Your skin will feel clean and awake.
  2. Select a part of your room and clean it – Cleaning your room is a huge drain of energy when you feel like this, I understand. So pick a small part, this could be your desk, your bed, your bookshelf, wardrobe. Give it a good clean, for example your bed area: take your duvet off, sprinkle/spray a bit of essence or your favourite perfume on the sheets, make your bed again and then vacuum around it! Maybe even take it up a notch and budge your bed over if you can and vacuum underneath the bed! I’ll be proud of you even if you just make your bed!
  3. Shower – This speaks for itself. Take a lovely warm shower and use a nice smelling shower gel. If you have to go out and are in reach of a Superdrug you could pick up one of their shower gels for only 99p! Cruelty free and they will lighten up your mood with the delicious scents. The shea butter one will leave a sweet linger that will comfort you and make you smell as sweet as you are.
  4. Get dressed and take a walk – Taking even a small 15 minute walk burns around 60 calories and gives your body a good pump of blood circulation. You get some fresh air as well and if you take a walk in the day which is the best time for this productive walk – you’ll get some vitamin D from the sun which will improve your mood balance. Put on your comfiest, cutest jumper and take your music out with you and enjoy the scenery. Take a few photos of scenery you like for yourself. No need to put them on Instagram or get sad if they’re not good images. This is all for you.

So you’ve done all that? That is incredibly productive and you should feel proud. You should never force yourself to do too many things in a day if you don’t want to. Taking a walk, showering and cleaning is productive enough! I hope these small tasks make you feel a bit more motivated to do other stuff. Maybe invite a friend on your walk, maybe do some small exercises in your room or even clean more of your room!

Is there any small things you do to motivate yourself?

Thanks for reading,

Helena x

Perfectionist Procrastination

I love making plans. Plans, lists, mind maps, telling people I’m going to do this and this. I love going through people’s pinterests, instagrams, blogs etc and going ‘oh my god goals. I’m gonna do (insert hobby) just like them and get good at it’. But most of the time, the plans fall quite quickly due to my terrible habit of procrastination.

I remember when I did Creative Media in GCSE we spent one term doing individual flash animations with the theme of superheroes or something like that. I designed a character in very cliche Deviant art anime style (all the rage when you’re like 14) called ‘Procrastination girl’! My teacher praised me greatly however I don’t think anyone realised this was my great foreshadowing of how I would grow as a person. Procrastination girl was who I’d slowly become.

What’s funny is most of the time my excuse for procrastinating is such a stupid excuse but makes a lot of sense and I think a lot of creative minded people do it. You want to create something perfect and worthy of praise and when you put a lot of time into something you are creating it is easy to be highly critical. Now I’m critical of a lot of my stuff before it even hits the deck – especially stuff like art, I love art but whenever I think about sitting down and doing something I think of every reason not to. I don’t have decent quality brushes, decent quality paint, my desk isn’t clear and clean enough. For some reason my brain wants everything to be absolutely perfect before I can even start anything. It’s a hard habit to get out of and it’s even more embarrassing when you start something but then the perfectionist mindset kicks in right after. This has happened really recently with my #StoptheStigma series. I want to make it as perfect as possible and everyday I just don’t see the point of sitting down and making a video because of how rubbish the camera and editing software I have is. It’s a terrible habit and I wish I could get out of procrastinating something cause I want it to be the best thing ever.

Does anybody else ever feel this way? Is there anyway to stop it? Or have we all being putting off the idea of stopping this habit?

Procrastinators unite!

Lenah x x

(Featured image artist: Chibird)

productivity: Forest iOS app review

I don’t like to admit but I’m a bit of a phone app addict. So much so my phone is organised in three screens of applications – the first being stuff I might need to access fast and apps that came with the phone, the second being ‘productivity’ or helpful apps and the third being every application that could possibly distract me(it’s very much full).

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I’ve gone through downloading, trying, signing up for and deleting a lot of free apps on my phone. I’m constantly downloading and deleting Tumblr or Instagram to try to improve productivity. Last week I deleted all my apps that were related to buying such as Amazon, eBay, DePop and Groupon, to try to ensure I don’t waste money. Maybe I have a shopping addiction, but it’s hard to resist buying a pack of Real Techniques Makeup Brushes cause they’re down to £10 on Groupon. Eek.

But that’s another story, today I’m going to share with you my opinion and experience on an app called Forest! I had heard about it on Tumblr and ‘Studyspo’ (Studying Inspiration) blogs as being ‘life-changing’ and I wanted to get an application that would help me learn to focus and leave my phone alone more back in time for work or whatever I go on to do. The app was only 79p so I thought I’d go ahead and try it!

The user interface to this application is really stunning. I have a massive thing for ‘low poly’/’minimal colour’ art styles on phone applications and this app has the style of it expressed in the ‘trees’ and foliage you can grow with this app.

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So first of all, the main thing you do on this application is start a timer of how long you want to focus on something or be present in a situation. For example, you want to sit down and work on an essay for college so you put the timer up to 35 minutes on your Forest app and when you start it off you must not touch your phone or close the app. If you click ‘give up’ or come off the app your foliage will die! Sad face.

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I first used this to try to get my room clean, which sounds simple but my room was horrendous. I put my Forest timer on 30 minutes and started cleaning my room and organizing stuff without touching my phone during that time. Personally, I really felt it help make me get lost and focus on the job I wanted to do, therefore increasing my productivity cause after that 30 minutes I decided to do another 30 minutes!

So in my opinion after using this app for making sure I clean or even sit down with my family and be present in the conversation and not constantly feel the need to check Twitter or Facebook – it definitely helps! It also has a ‘coin’ system in which you receive more coins the more successful foliage you plant and longer you go without touching your phone! The really amazing thing is when you get to a certain goal of coins you can choose to actually trade in your coins for an actual tree to be planted in either India or Zambia!

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You can download Forest from the App store here or Android Store here! And visit the website here! I am not entirely sure of its performance on Android, just to add as a disclaimer as I bought it on iOS! If anybody tries it on Android, I’d love to hear their opinions and experiences with it! Feel free to comment or message me on Twitter! (@spacehoneybee)

Thanks for reading!
Lenah x x