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can you have both a glass is half-full mindset and a half-empty mindset?

I recently stumbled upon a spoken word video/poetry video from a poet speaking about how the world has gone to chaos and such and how ‘this world should end’. His background of choice was a broken, abandoned house in the middle of nowhere and he sat on what he could make out of the rubble and spoke about how this world should end because the air is polluted, water contaminated, our food is genetically processed and our governments are greedy. Now at first my instant emotion was to feel depressed. To feel a heavy sigh in my chest and to not really want to watch the whole thing because of the sour mood it would inevitability put me in. I didn’t want it to feel like I was discrediting the poet or ignoring his message because his message was the kind of thing all humans need to know, especially the ones who have more power to make change. This poet was releasing extreme truths and things that could hit anyone of any background close to home and I am proud of him for speaking out and was, obviously, inspired by what he said because it got me thinking – what is the better option in this current generation? To think optimistically or to think pessimistically?

As soon as I closed out Facebook to try and soften the blow of sadness that some posts on that website can inflict, I went downstairs to make myself a cup of tea. Equipped with a warm bed robe just taken off the radiator and strolled past my cat who was warm and content next to the stairs. I gave him a stroke and turned on the kettle and started thinking – is it bad to praise the good things in the world? The world is shit and I agree. As a kid who grew up with intense fear of global warming and environmental damage from a weirdly young age, I couldn’t agree more with the fact that humans have messed up the environment we’ve been given. We should have done more to look after it before it got too late for some animal species and plant species. We should be putting more effort into safe energy and more effort into decreasing harmful emissions. But as I sat there letting the kettle brew, I ranted to myself in my head that it’s even more depressing and ignorant to sit by and just accept the doom of a shitty world. There are positives to the generation I live in.

If I was a child in the 19th century, I definitely wouldn’t have been able to have my parents or older family members around now, people I know or even myself may have died from an illness or injury that, in this generation, I could have been easily cured of due to the evolution of healthcare and medical studies. There has been so much progression in technology and science discoveries that can benefit people and animals. We have discovered new species and creatures due to that advancement and I think that’s amazing. In this current generation, although it is still debatable and there is still prejudice and hate crimes, people are working more and more to get LGBT people the safety and equality they deserve but it’s not even been long since it was decriminalised. Racism and racial prejudice is still prominent in so many countries around the world including the UK and US but the internet and communities work so hard to oppose and call out systematic racism. If it wasn’t for the internet and people talking about Black Lives Matter, I may have not even been educated on police systematic racism. Some people would call the internet a downfall of our generation, saying children don’t get the right childhood anymore because of the internet but you could look at the internet positively by saying news is spread much more fast than it was in the past. The internet can also hold many communities that benefit people. If a teenager is feeling lost in their own world they can turn to the internet to discover hobbies, games, music or forums that create distractions for them and may even benefit them and make them happy. More and more people are switching to vegetarian and vegan diets in this current year to which shows a progression for dietary and animal rights.

Of course, when I was thinking that there are so many positives to this world now that people may overlook in the spiral of depression and hatred that there is currently, I didn’t want to be the ignorant one. I don’t want to turn a blind eye to the world’s negatives or what stuff we need to change. If I could ask for wishes about the world I would ask for so much instantly. I want everyone to switch to safer, environmentally friendly energy choices. I want people to create materials that decompose and are safer for the environment. I want people to learn the harm of systematic oppression and racism and educate others. But what can I do if I sit there and just wallow in the fact that the world is ‘shit’? How are any of us going to change if we just accept that the world is shit and wait for our lives to finish?

Would everyone thinking with just a half full or just a half empty mindset help anyone? I think people need to discuss and share the positives of everyday life just as much as we’re quick to share a poem or video about how shit the world is. I think the world could change if we try to look for positive progress as much as negative things. Because if there is negativity, there is no point in sitting behind a computer and complaining but then not doing anything and just accepting it. What do you guys think? Do you think I’m mad for even trying to think of positives? Do you think it makes me ignorant? I’d love to hear people talk more on what they think about trying to make a change for our world, even if its small things.

Thanks for reading my ramblings,

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Saturday 11.06.16: Note to Self

When I was younger I used to be quite good at keeping diaries, jotting down my thoughts and letting out some of my feelings without giving away much to other people or making myself too vulnerable. As I grew older I slowly drifted from writing in my diary to online forums and social media. Now I definitely didn’t jump into mainstream stuff like MySpace, Facebook, Twitter etc right away but I used to be fond of going on forums/sites with young people aimed content – one of my fondest memories is probably Stardoll where I used to chat on the regular to friends and eventually I did get to meet three of them in real life! It was a shame we aren’t as close anymore as times had changed but I do get nostalgic for that memory. Growing up in my teenage years, I always struggled with social skills and making friends so sometimes the internet was a preference for me as I could conceal the social skills I was so anxious about and have time to think about what to say and such. I also could use it as an outlet for when I was stressed or down, people with similar problems would write back saying they know how you feel, it was almost like a diary entry but if I felt so stuck with a problem, somebody out there could help me if they wanted to. It didn’t feel like I was letting too much out in the open but when I look back I think I did. I think it strangely affected my personality today and how I feel about being honest with my problems and feelings with people in my life. It’s very easy to act narcissistic online and post selfies but also dwell on self-depreciating humour, it’s almost like building up a wall but having glass walls on it. You let people know what you’re like but you won’t want to talk about it and sometimes you want to get out of the wall, and it really hurts you deep that your friends walking by aren’t doing anything. You stress over details, ‘but they  can see me in distress right? They walk past me everyday so they’re clearly avoiding looking at me?!’ so you end up stuck in this little glass box, feeling isolated but nothing’s bottled up. You’re drained but it’s flooded everything around you and everyone’s evacuated the area.

The internet was also a terrible place for paranoia and overthinking symptoms from my depression and anxiety to build. I’d constantly try and talk to my friends but get no response and then see them posting online or on social media and literally pull at my hair questioning what I had done wrong. I can’t even really act like this is in past tense since I still over-react to stuff like this now. I can pick out every little detail for proof that somebody dislikes me or secretly thinks I’m annoying but I don’t honestly trust any proof that people do like me genuinely. My brain is my most toxic friend and I wish to change that soon.

So the note to myself for today is; nothing is wrong with being open and nothing is wrong with wanting to get stuff off your chest. Bottling up stress and emotions will only lead to damage of some extent and it’s not healthy however please learn to stop expecting people to want to be there for you. Everyone has their bottle of stress, thoughts, anxiety and stuff they want to avoid and people can get so drunk on their metaphorical bottle that they won’t notice you stumbling and crashing from stress. People are people, weak and worrying just like yourself – but that doesn’t mean you haven’t got the strength to work on yourself alone. There will always be stuff you dislike about yourself or your life, even on days where you wake up feeling like a bloody Disney Princess and the sun is shining; in the back of your head small things will still irk you like the fact your thighs rub together when you walk, the fact that guy barged past you and didn’t apologise whilst you walked to work, the fact you’re still procrastinating something, your friend still hasn’t responded to your text about meeting up – nothing is always 100% perfect but it’s time to not focus your wonderful energy on it. Focus on the stuff I know you can do, read another chapter of that book you treated yourself to, challenge yourself to drink at least 5 glasses of water today, plan more blog posts in your head, send messages and emails to people you want to talk to but leave the ball in their court and give them their space and time to get back to you. Focus on yourself, focus on healing yourself.

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