It’s still not kicked in that I technically only have two weeks left of University.
Today, I went into University to help as a ‘student ambassador’ for a University Applicant day where we met applicants possibly planning to start their undergraduate degree in something along the lines of English Language, Literature, Creative Writing or Drama come September. I can still remember my own applicant day back in early 2016 pretty well. I remember the Creative Writing taster session involved poetry and me and my mum sat there and had a go at putting prose together on scrap paper. I still have them folded up in my old diary in my room at my parents.
Every so often in the past three years I get the mini poem my mother wrote back out and read it and I just feel so utterly grateful for her and my dad’s support during my degree. Sometimes during these past three years I have worried that I made too much of an impulsive choice to study an English degree. That maybe my writing skills were too mundane and all along I had been kidding myself. That I wasn’t cut out for this. But then I remember that all of my loved ones have hope in me and constantly pushed me and encouraged me and I know that I must have made a good choice.
The path laid out for me after graduation right now isn’t a clear one, but I don’t think that scares me right now. If I was to visualise it, I think of myself walking through a forest on a summer’s day. The sun is shining bright and kissing the picking scars on my cheeks. All the leaves around me glisten like dripping emeralds and the air smells nostalgic. I look up and there are several pathways drifting ahead of me, they fade into the distance each with different flowers dotting the sides of the paths. I think if I had visualised this back after college or back in 2015, the paths would have been foggy and dark. Now anything seems quite exciting and I’m open to exploring wherever these paths may take me; especially if I have my family, partner and friends by my side.
These next two weeks are probably going to slip through my fingers without me even realising but I think it’s so exciting to realise that I’ve almost made it through three years of a degree. I feel in each year I have been a completely different person, constantly growing and changing. University has put my personality and my way of coping with situations in such a pressurized state that sometimes my flaws have come out but also sometimes talents and abilities I didn’t even realise I had have come out. The experience has helped me grow and develop. It’s helped me learn from my mistakes, admit to when I’ve handled things wrong and acknowledge parts of me that I need to work on.
Overall, as I come to the end of my undergraduate degree, finish my last essays (for now, my rambling blog posts might as well be essays) and await my final grades I think it’s good to accept the feeling of nervousness about the unknown but also acknowledge that it can only mean exciting things are ahead of me. I can’t wait to take on the long, winding pathways. It’s going to be strange not thinking about deadlines constantly but I’m excited to use the writing skills I have been taught to begin writing more on my blog as well as creatively in my own time.
Thank you for reading,
Header image: @gaellemarcel on Unsplash