Should I write more about my ‘struggles’?


Define struggles.

Obviously struggles comes with the negative connotation that I don’t want to talk about it, hear about it or acknowledge it; but some of my personal stuff I do like talking about. I like raising awareness to the topics because I know other people could be waiting for that push to be more settled with what they deal with on a day to day basis. Believe it or not, people with mental health problems or disabilities can be on ‘ok terms’ with what they have. I like to picture it as having a creature that follows you around, the creature can be designed or have the appearance of whatever you think suited, and some days it overreacts and can get the better of you – but other times you can just accept its company and try and positively calm it down if it feels agitated. I guess this mostly works for anxiety, depression etc. and sometimes not work at all! Everyone is different and goes through different things.

I ‘struggle’ with anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia disorder (another form of anxiety); as well as obviously my hearing impairement which I have discussed in past blogposts. I also have to wear glasses since I am slightly short-sighted but I have learnt to adjust to that a lot easier than the other stuff. This isn’t going to be a long pitiful post talking about each of my struggles in detail, because frankly the internet does not deserve to have all of that on it as it is personal to me and even after deep detail, a lot of people would not understand because they do not share the same things as me. Not even people with depression or hearing loss share the exact same experiences. There are people deafer than me or whom have not been able to hear since birth. I would never know what it’s like to live like them.

This post is mainly a question – should I discuss things like mental health, hearing loss/impairments, wearing hearing aids, dealing with anxiety etc. more? I never have put a label to my blog – it’s always been what I want to write, I will write and of course it will stay that way! I just wonder if anybody out there would like to see more content focused on this. You don’t have to have any of these things to want to read about it and if you do but you don’t like talking about it, don’t be shy! Growing up it took me a while to find voices and people I could relate to. It’s only in recent, young adult years I’ve felt a twinge in my heart and my eyes well up when a book or a TV show or art has portrayed exactly something I have felt. It’s not a bad feeling but almost comforting. Comforting to know you’re not weird or abnormal or broken. Comforting to know you are not in the wrong for the things you can’t control.

So that’s my question – feel free to answer it.

Want to see me write more about topics like that?



Independent Artist/Etsy Wishlist


If you know me, you’ll know I did art & design in college and still low-key vastly love art, illustration & all that jazz. I think it’s because I come from a family that are very creative and I’m extremely grateful for it! My amazingly talented dad loves doing woodwork in his spare time – he even built his own workshop at the end of our garden and I still think that’s one of the coolest things to watch him do when I was growing up. My sisters are also super talented and way more motivated than me, in their spare time despite one of them having two adorable kids and the other working a lot of the time – are working on their own Etsy/Craft store, in fact I believe they might be selling some of their pieces soon at an event in July! Their instagram that shows their work is @apocketfullofclouds and I definitely recommend you check it out!

I do envy my sister’s motivation and wish I could pick up the slack and make time to try and improve my art, because whenever I go on websites like Etsy I get so inspired because there’s so many amazing pieces that just make me want to spend all my money on it! Of course, I’m not rich and don’t have spare money lying around to get myself all these gorgeous pins and patches. So I decided to give these amazing artists a small shoutout and share with you all my current Etsy wishlist! These artists are amazing and I’d definitely check them out!


1 ) Self Care Spell Patch
2 ) Wanderer Patch
3 ) Witchcraft Postcard Set


1 ) Bitch Face Pin
2 ) Thunder Thighs Pin
3 ) The Truth is Out There Pin
4 ) Booty Brooch


1 ) Smashing the Patriarchy is My Cup of Tea
2 ) Palmistry Hand Brooch
3 ) Spooky Banner Patch

Have you guys got any favourite Etsy stores or independent artists you think I should check out?

Thanks for reading,



20 feelings that make me happy I’m alive


So I guess you could jokingly say this is one of my lazier posts since it’ll basically be a list however I’ve had it in the back of my mind for a while as I really love trying to cheer people and myself up some days, and on really, really crappy days I can forgot about some of these lovely feelings and scenarios that make me feel alive and grateful to be where I am in that moment. If you have any you’d love to add on, do comment on my blog post or share on Twitter!

  1. Waking up naturally on a Sunny day and seeing the bright blue sky through your windows.
  2. When you’re baking or helping someone bake and you get to eat the excess icing or mix.
  3. Finding the perfect song or playlist to listen to on a long train/bus ride. Here’s one of mine!
  4. Watching ASMR or Bob Ross and the relaxing, calm feeling you get. The sound the paintbrushes make on the palette when Bob Ross is mixing paint really makes me relaxed, is that weird?
  5. Going to the cinema and seeing a trailer for a film you’re insanely excited for. (Lately the Suicide Squad trailer with Bohemian Rhapsody always gets me pumped up!)
  6. When you’re walking somewhere and a kind-looking stranger smiles at you when you make eye contact.
  7. When you’re walking somewhere and somebody’s dog tries to come and sniff you as they walk past. I want to be your friend too, small pupper.
  8. Seeing little bumblebees chill happily in a bed of pretty flowers.
  9. When a family member, friend or such shows you something and says ‘this reminded me of you.’
  10. Seeing a cute photo of a corgi butt on Instagram. Believe me.


  11. Getting a massive hug of someone you love when you’re crying.
  12. The first gulp of a really cold drink when you’re dehydrated.
  13. Seeing a family of ducks in a river. Especially if there is a parent/adult duck and tiny ducklings.
  14. Getting a 99 whippy ice cream on a summer’s day. They’re my guilty pleasure – especially with all the sprinkles, flake and raspberry syrup.
  15. Finally getting an essay/homework piece done and knowing you can relax.
  16. Walking/cycling when it’s sunset and you get to see all the beautiful colours the sky can make.
  17. When someone tells you randomly that you’ve made their day or you’ve been really helpful. Whenever I get a customer who says something like this to me when I’ve been working, my faith in humanity returns.
  18. Getting complimented randomly when out drinking. Especially going in the female toilets, you’ll get the occasional drunk girl saying they love your shoes or something and it’s the best feeling.
  19. Getting cosy in bed after a long day.
  20. When someone you care about says they’re proud of you. Even if it’s for something small like just passing an exam or even getting a high score on a video game. It makes me smile.

What things would you guys add?

Thanks for reading,



My Current Job Inspiration

Fun fact when I was growing up I had some bizarre ‘dream jobs’; I wanted to be an ice cream van driver at one point and would spend hours scribbling designs of ‘ice creams’ and ‘lollies’ I would sell. Then at some points I wanted to work with animals, either being a zookeeper or a vet. Other jobs I have been interested in growing up include being a writer, artist, graphic novel artist, video game artist, actress, visual merchandiser – and that’s in no particular order! My mind changes very easily and I’m constantly bewildered by how much choice one person can have. I can understand the whole butterfly effect theory where you can basically have tons and tons of lines of ‘opportunities’ or ‘future scenarios’ but only certain ones happen if you do certain things, basically that everything happens for a reason. It makes me scared and excited at the same time. I want to experience as much as possible but make sure I don’t waste my choices on bad decisions or experiences and waste time.

My current dream job at the moment, I don’t think I could really pick one thing. I want to do something that involves the English/Creative Writing degree I will study in the future, something that’ll involve writing itself – maybe blogging and journalism. But as I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I do also miss the illustration/art side of things. I realised recently whilst having a stroll around Waterstones with my sister, a job that I’d probably love that includes both creative writing and illustration and that is – children’s books! Maybe one day I could write books and illustrate them and build up a portfolio based on it. I found a lot of inspiration in Waterstones and thought I’d share the inspirations I found that make me want to pursue this idea.


Pass it On by Sophy Henn’s book cover made me grin as soon as I saw it. There’s something minimalist but eye-catching about it which makes me really interested by it. I love how the balloons and font pop out against the grey background, it makes me wonder if that’s what the story will be about? Acts of kindness and happiness that bring colour into a grey day. The way Sophy’s drawn the characters is really cute too!! I love the left hand character’s bright little red hat. Sophy has also written and illustrated a book called ‘Pom Pom gets the grumps’ which looks absolutely precious! Her illustration is so colourful and she makes the colours contrast well so it is soothing on the eyes.


Also something about her typography choice in both of these pieces is really interesting. I like the cursive, round writing she uses for her signature and in the lower writing on the heading.

So after being very inspired by illustrator/writers like Sophy Henn I think I’m going to try and do more illustration pieces based on maybe book covers or ideas I have. I recently got some new watercolours for my birthday so I think they will definitely come in handy!

How is everyone else’s life lately? What jobs did you dream of doing whilst growing up?

Feel free to comment!


Credit for illustration in image is Sophy Henn’s pieces in her book Where Bear?



Missing Illustration



If you didn’t happen to know what I studied in college, it was Art and Design. I’ve always had an on and off, complicated relationship with art. I love it, I love studying it and looking at it and creating it can be extremely therapeutic but some days doing art just frustrates me and can rough up my confidence with it. I struggle with making art I’m happy with and I always feel like if I had better tools (brushes, watercolours, pens etc) for it, I’d maybe be more motivated, however I do not have the money for that.


I am choosing to study English/Creative Writing in University because I do long to improve my writing skills and study it a lot more. I’d love a job in the future based around/influenced by my degree, so that’s why I didn’t choose to go on to do an art degree, however I do miss making art a lot. I look a lot of pieces I did in college and it makes me miss sitting down and putting time into a project and liking the outcome. For example, a lighthouse painting piece I did on canvas in my first year of college always makes me long to do a canvas painting again, however I do not have the patience or concentration in my free time. It’s such a shame.


As well as painting, illustration is one of the loves of my life. I get so envious and overwhelmed stalking the instagrams and portfolios of really talented illustrators. Some artists can make illustrations just so gorgeous and humble that I want to cover my walls in their prints. Therefore, I honestly wish I had their talent, however growing up I have definitely learnt illustration/art skill comes from constant practice and is not just gonna be right there when you touch pencil to paper. I recently followed a beautiful illustrator and lovely girl on Instagram who goes by the username of @AnniePancake! One of her posts talking about facts about herself appeared on my recommendations and honestly her whole style is something I wish I had. She’s been studying at University and says she first thought she couldn’t draw but her art style is just so eye-catching and cute! Her portfolio/store is at http://www.anniedornansmithdesign.co.uk and honestly I recommend everyone check her out because her illustrations are gorgeous!  The typography/font she paints on her designs are so pretty too!

So inspired by talent like Annie and a lot of other illustrators I follow on Instagram. I hope in the future to do a lot more illustrations, maybe even some to have on my blog posts to give it a lot more individuality and unique design. Is there any illustrators you love on Instagram that you think I should check out? Tell me!

Thanks for reading,





A poem about rams, inspired by horoscopes – I guess

Have you ever stood before the ram?
Stared back into stern, dark eyes;
Seen the bold sun against it’s heavy, strong horns.

Have you ever challenged the ram?
The noise against the dirt when it stomps it’s iron hooves to the ground.
The aggressive glare because it will take you head on.

Have you ever approached the ram?
Watched it express it’s definitive independence.
Wallowed in it’s own competitiveness.

Have you ever touched the ram?
Known that the fire it possesses can be of both love and the fight.
Knelt beside it and let it lead you to somewhere new.

Have you ever known the ram?
Because the ram shines with more passion than the diamond it’s associated to.
Because the ram shimmers with primacy.
Because the ram is of Mars;
And will be out of this world like something you’ve never known.


the luckiest thing to happen to me: getting experience in being a game artist

I’ve been told hundreds of times to start a blog. By my family, friends, even my friend’s family and I decided to finally sit down and do it. Even though at 5 foot I look like I wouldn’t harm a fly, I probably have the temper of a 6 foot bald head cockney bloke (a.k.a my dad). I love to rant about issues that are close to me, I love trying to see other people’s point of views and I love to learn stuff that can help me be a more open-minded person. At first I was like – FINALLY, I can use this blog to rant my feelings to the world!! However comparing an open public blog to my facebook statuses, you have to be a lot more sensible when you have a wider audience so instead of making a status like “F***ing homophobes, why the hell can’t people just open their mind and accept that there are tons of sexualities” etc etc, I can at least, try to, professionally write about stuff that I want to share! Minus emojis too!

To introduce myself, I thought I’d write about my career – if that’s what you’d call it. Since I am still young I’m still in denial that I am a legal adult and that I have things like ‘careers’ and ‘wages’ and ‘responsibilities’. Ugh. At least I can legally drink. I guess that and adult responsibilities come hand in hand.

I’m a game artist! … in training.

Whenever I tell people this I tend to get the reaction of either disbelief and completely dismiss it by “oh that’s nice!” or “oh what like computer games? So you design characters for them and draw the concept art?”. I could go on to explain that I mostly have to make concepts of characters that game designers have created in a document, then I am given a role of either 3D modelling or textures and I have to use different software to create each thing. Their faces seem to go blank when I bring up the word ‘UV’s’.

I don’t think I could say I am ‘in the industry’, as what I do is in an apprenticeship – the qualification only says Creative Media. That could mean a lot of things. But I have worked in projects before and over the course of one year I’ve learnt to make game art assets in 3D. Something I’d never imagine myself doing unless I somehow won the lottery and moved to America and did tons of internships for game studios. Or University, but considering that I live in the UK, I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with debt. But I would consider myself extremely bloody lucky!!

It seemed a lot easier to learn than people would imagine, when I started following Indie Game Studios and artists on Twitter for inspiration, I was impressed to learn some people literally self-teach themselves these things and they can produce work that I’d expect to see in big name games like Bioshock or Borderlands.

So here  is my advice to anyone who is interested in learning game art, first of all:

Download Blender! – I use Autodesk Maya at my work which is an industry known software, however to get it at home requires a license and a hell of a lot of money. A student trying to teach themselves some simple 3D modelling would definitely not have money for it. Some Universities may be able to help you get a Free Student Trial for 3 years though! BUT Blender is a free 3D modelling software – no fees, no trials. It has a very similar UI to Maya and once you get the hang of it, it can work almost as well as Maya! I have yet to try it myself but I have heard good things.

Search for Inspiration! Polycount is a galore of 3D and 2D art from both workers in the industry or even self-taught freelancers. It is a forum website and when searching through some of the posts you can find people posting their work in progresses of concept art, character models, environments etc! There is also some boards dedicated to helping upcoming artists set up portfolios, apply for internships or even learn other Game Industry based skills like coding and using game engines such as Unreal or Unity.

Draw and Write your ideas! – This is easier than said than done. As someone who’s studied art since GCSE, whenever I try to make myself sit down and draw I would rather do anything but. However having a notebook to scribble down ideas for models or draw concepts is always a great place to start. Whenever I have streaks of inspiration, I like to write down lists of stuff I’d like to model. I’m hugely into Environment Art, so sometimes I quite like to write down a list of every prop I could make in this potential environment! It can really get your juices flowing!

I highly recommend having a go at 3D modelling if you are interested in any kind of art. If I could go back in time and past me decided to not take this apprenticeship, I would still bug her constantly to look into youtube tutorials and download Blender. I’d also tell her to stop sleeping in until 1pm on the holidays the damn lazy bum.

Thanks for reading
Lenah x x