Birthday Blues

I’m not sure if I ever enjoy my birthdays. I stopped having birthday ‘parties’ at quite an early age due to not having much friends in primary school and as I grew up I’d stick to having small sleepovers with one or two friends and then finally in recent years either doing nothing or having meals with families. I feel blessed that last year I got to see two very close friends that are long distance and go and see a band live because I feel not much would have happened otherwise. Despite my small celebrations, I get really envious of other people who have big bashes or go out on big outings with lots of people because I do really like partying. I love dancing and drinking and celebrating with fun people but at the same time, as someone who is naturally quiet and introverted without alcohol, asking people and talking to friends is really anxiety building. I almost feel like I’m burdening people I care about by asking them to come out and have a good time, cause I mean that means they have to use their free time and money and I feel rather rude asking it. Is this strange of me? I feel like it is.

It also doesn’t help how far I live from a lot of my friends. The cheap alternative to these worries would to just be like ‘hey come to my house – small party!’, because there’s no worry of walking through the cold city tipsy and trying to save money. But alas, I can’t invite people all the way to my house if they have to get an hour train. It’s a ridiculous first world problem almost.

Does anybody else have this struggle when it comes to arranging outings? Or is it just me? I’d love to hear if anybody else has this kind of worry.

Thanks for reading!

signaturemarch16

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