That feeling of not being ready for adulthood

Back in high school I remember literally counting down the days until the six weeks holidays and Christmas holidays. They were the best, most relaxing times for an easily stressed high school kid. The last week of a six-week holiday and I’d be miserable at the thought of going back to school and seeing everyone again or learning things. I would have rather have kept my brain in ominous grey matter whilst I just sat playing video games and watching reruns of Cartoon Network. In college, it did change a bit considering it wasn’t a 9-5, 5 days a week chore. I’d get lie ins someday but mixing that with mental health that crept up on me whilst becoming a teenager, that might have gone down the dark rabbit hole, making me take days of just because I had slept in too late or because I didn’t believe I had to ‘go into college’ to get my work done.

I was a lazy little sh**, basically.

However recently I’ve had two months work-free. The ‘reason’ I guess could be private to my employer, I’m not entirely sure. My group at my apprenticeship just haven’t been given a start date yet after taking our paid holiday at the end of July. I could go on a rant but I think most of my family, friends and boyfriend have heard my wail and whine about how annoyed I am. Two months of no work, no education and full freedom to do what you want might sound like a dream for someone in high school.  I’ve spoken to some of my friends who are a wee bit younger than me that are starting college or first year of University and I’ve been told “at least you get a break” about 20 odd times. I am grateful for the time off, but oh my god am I bored out of my noggin.

When you become a ‘legal working adult’ (internal screaming), you start to get the wonders of ‘payment’. At the end of the month, you get that thrilling pay check and the excitement overcomes you when you check your online banking and it’s no longer under £1. After around a year and nine months of working in retail and my apprenticeship I can tell you, I’ve gotten used to the feeling of having money. Obviously I’m on no living wage (thank you David Cameron, £2 an hour is such a brilliant idea – not) whilst I’m on my apprenticeship and I still have to live with my parents (shout out to mum and dad), but I liked being able to actually pay to go out with my friends or boyfriend and go cinema, for meals or even have a drink at the pub. I’m not going to be paid at the end of this month and I can tell you, I will probably go out of my mind trying to deal with finance until I next get some sort of income.

So this is my warning for the college and university students out there – save your god damn coins. Get a savings account and fill it up with that ££££.
My recommendation is to put maybe £20 in every month or so if you have a part-time job, for future reference. I wish I had done this whilst working, instead of deciding it was all just disposable income. The amount of stuff you don’t realise you need spare money for. For example:

  • Work Travel – I have to pay 80 odd quid for a monthly Metrolink ticket to get to work. At apprenticeship wage, that really took it out of my monthly income.
  • Lunch Money – Admittedly next time I’m at work, I will have to take advantage of making packed lunches or bringing my refillable water bottle. Sometimes on weeks at work I’d manage to spend over £10 just so I could have drinks to get me through the day and an actual eatable lunch.
  • Got friends that don’t live near you? More travel – Hooray for train fares and bus fares.
  • You probably owed your parents money. – If you’re anything like me, every fun thing seems to happen when you’re out of money. It’s got to the point with my parents sometimes I’ll come up to them and be like “Oh so my friends are going out next week and they invited me…” and my dad will instantly turn round and go ‘are you asking for money again?’ Oh dear.
  • Coffee/cinema/meals – If you want to spend time with friends doing something this requires money. And prices do tend to go up on coffee and cinema tickets now. God damn.
  • Medicine – I miss the days where all my prescriptions for stuff that keeps me healthy/happy was free. ):

Welcome to the adult world kiddos, I recommend you save up some dosh.

But yeah, I hope soon enough I can go back to my apprenticeship or maybe get a part-time job. I definitely am not recommending being an adult so far. 1/10.

Thanks for reading,

Lenah x x

2 thoughts on “That feeling of not being ready for adulthood

  1. I can’t put my finger on why, but reading your writing makes me feel at home. My mind gets a buzz as my eyes scroll past your words, and I feel warm. As if my mind is recognizing itself. Thank you, Lenah. I needed that.

    Liked by 1 person

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